My Trip Back Home To Cincinnati is Complete
December 16, 2025
For at least now it has. What was expected to be only a few days back home turned into five weeks. Sometimes wonderful, much of the time it was excruciatingly painful.
What was originally planned as a pilgrimage to honor a friends passing quickly morphed into a parents hospice vigil. What was supposed to be a connection to my mom, evolved into becoming an advocate for her safety with evidence of neglect, incompetence and elder abuse.
With the amazing help of Hospice, I was able to make necessary steps in protecting my mom while she transitioned to death. It was an awful task, many would consider thankless, but I had to ensure her safety with reports of multiple falls, lack of basic requirements like food, water and medicine. Hospice helped fill on the gaps. They helped me see this process through with my mom with grace and empathy. I thank them for this.
I spent many days alone on this journey. I told my wife that I was extremely anxious about being able to step up as a son and perform the duties needed to care for my mother. She reassured me that when the time came, I’d rise to the occasion and I did. It was very difficult in the beginning because no one wants to see their mom suffer. I knew her prognosis and it was killing me to witness her decline but I pushed all of that deep down inside me and focused on the tasks at hand. It all became second nature to me.
Now those feelings are starting to come out and it hurts. Very bad right now. Whenever I left her room, I’d go to the car to release the pain I was feeling and started driving. A lot. I’d spend hours driving around Cincinnati. To old haunts, witnessing the changes that were taking place. Some I considered good, some not so good. Eminent domain dismantling the Clifton area I enjoyed for years so UC could command more presence in the community. It wasn’t a pleasant sight.
I needed places to unwind. Have a drink, sometimes too many drinks. I didn’t have my wife with me to help keep me balanced and found myself going off the rails, not eating well, downing anything put in front of me. I was a fucking mess. I fortunately made it out alive and didn’t kill anyone, or myself thank God.
I did run into some wonderful and caring folks at multiple places I frequented to blow off steam. The first place I ventured into was The City View Tavern in Mt.Adams. lauded as one of the oldest bars in Cincinnati, it probably has the best view of any place I’ve been to. It’s a no billshit bar. No martinis, no margaritas, it’s a beer and shot joint that has great burgers and a decent tap list. Cassidy was the bartender who I got to know and she became familiar with my mom’s situation, like most places eventually did and was extremely gracious with me every time I came in.
During my drives, I’d also try to do things that didn’t require pounding drinks and absolutely loved Eden Park. It helped me reflect on great times I had as a kid in Cincinnati. This included the Krohn Conservatory.
One of my favorite spots is the Northside Yacht Club. A cool hip eatery off of Spring Grove ave that has excellent pub food and a great beer list.
I ended up in Camp Washington. This was my first neighborhood I moved to when I decided to live on my own at nineteen. It’s a great concrete jungle where our backyards wall was the old Cincinnati workhouse. This also required an obligatory trip to Camp Washington Chili.
Another must visit was our old home as a toddler on Walker St. in Mt. Auburn. I had many fond memories as a little kid living there.
One Tavern I frequented was The Oak Tavern in Oakley. Everyone there knew my situation and I have to say, they were some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. This was pure Cincinnati love. Their food rocked as well.
Chili, it’s what’s for dinner! Including Skyline in Clifton. Nothing beats a hangover more than a five way and cheese coneys.
My friend Scot treated me to a few beers at Madtree in Oakley for my birthday. For a huge place, it ran like a well oiled machine and the beers were excellent.
My wife insisted on a return to Korean Riverside in Covington. I reluctantly agreed and Holy Jeebus, I forgot how wonderful that place is!!
Another amazing place my friend Scot mentioned was Bridges Nepalese cuisine in Northside. I’ve never tried this type of food before and it’s similar to a cross between Indian and Chinese food. It blew our minds.
I spent many nights at The Comet. I had to. It was a Northside institution, Dave was my friend and I loved that place. I got to see many old friends during my visit.
One of the last places we lived at was Covington Ky. I love that town. Our street had all historical homes on it including the house we rented. We’d love to live there again. Beautiful.
My family was amazingly supportive of my efforts. My Aunt Sue and Uncle Neal made my stay comfortable and I felt secure. Her dogs were wonderful. Willy, Archie and the great Mango. Neals dog Luna is amazing too. Oh, Sue is a great cook as well. Her mac-n-cheese is killer.
It’s all starting to come to the reality my mom is gone. My work has been done and there is now a huge void where my mom once was. I feel like an orphan. My brother has basically abandoned his family as well as his friends so it hurts even more how isolated I feel. If it weren’t for family and friends and their undying support and love, I’m not sure if would have made it through this. I miss my mom dearly. I think she’s looking over me though. When I turned on Pandora this morning, this was the first song on my list. I didn’t choose it. It chose me.
When You Lose Your Mother…
December 4, 2025
I prepared for months now. My family prepared. We had a mountain of obstacles facing us starting with my mothers health after an unfortunate bout with pneumonia which also was associated with congestive heart failure and kidney disease. Her mortality was staring me in the face yet I was completely unprepared for when she finally passed. But I’m doing ok I guess. It’s been devastating.
My mom was eighty one years old. For the last few years, we lost contact but for the obligatory birthday or mother’s day wishes but over and over again, one of us circled back around and we mended things because we both knew it was important to stay connected. Unfortunately my brother never got the memo. That’s his cross to bear. We’ve all moved on.
My mom could be a difficult woman to be around. Hypochondia, bipolar disorder and other afflictions interfered with daily relationships in which some survived, some didn’t. She lived her life by her own rules. I get it, but it was still difficult.
We fought a lot, but we always made up. We actually had a great relationship and I’m sorry for the recent years lost because of our suffocating pride. I was glad we reconnected and were able to have meaningful conversations before she started to decline. Even in some of her worst states, she was still able to conjure up some self deprecating humor by blurting out “I guess I’m just an entitled bitch aren’t I?”
Even dying she had an ability to get a chuckle out of me. Despite all of her foilables, she cared about her kids until her bipolar disorder took over. She struggled with this for decades. My folks were heavily involved in our sports, the high school band, making sure we had a good education, taking us on vacations and even financially supporting us in our twenties.
We, on the other hand were pretty shitty kids growing up. We stole from them, drove their cars drunk, trashed their house with huge parties when they were out of town. Hell, I even dressed in my dad’s police uniform during Halloween in which I got arrested. Despite that, my mother sent me money for rent, helped my brother with rent while we were both old enough to know better. They weren’t rich but they loved their kids. And they tried their best.
My mother and her family weren’t rich either. They all had struggles during their own formative years but everyone made it out one way or another. My mom owed me nothing when we reconciled. I actually owed her an apology for how awful I was at times.
I chose to be with her for her end of life struggles because that’s what son’s do. There is nothing either one of my parents did that kept me from seeing this through with her. I’d never forgive myself not being home with her during this awful time. Up to her last breath she knew I was with her and she held on till I showed up yesterday. It was the worst day of my life.
I wouldn’t have been able to get through this without the support of my family and friends. Aunt Sue, Uncle Neal, my Cousin Patrick who helped sit vigil with her, my Aunt Toni and the amazing people at Hospice. Even with everything facing us with a broken facility system, we made it work for mom. And she knew it.
It’s the day after my mom’s passing. I’m gutted. I was worried about not getting up quickly enough to go visit her today then realizing there are no more visits. That’s heart breaking. There’s a certain feeling of protection with knowing your parents are still living, even if they are older. That feeling of security has vanished. I feel extremely vulnerable right now. Everyone is reeling now but we will get through this. We will.
Her name was Marilyn and she was my mom. I don’t have many pics of her but when I find more I’ll post them.
Why I Quit Facebook
November 17, 2021
“Hi, my name is Kevin and I was addicted to Facebook.” Here’s where you all say “Hello Kevin.” I’m assuming most of you who follow or read my posts have or had a Facebook account. If you’ve never created an account, I salute you. I inadvertently stumbled upon what was considered the Genesis of social media in the late-nineties called Usenet. Usenet was around much earlier but finally buying a used computer for one hundred dollars, I found newsgroups had an array of interesting topics, had active moderators, and were a treasure trove of information just a click away on my ancient 486 computer.
Around 2003, I found a burgeoning website called Myspace. The interface was easy to navigate, you had the ability to post pictures, add a jukebox with various songs for friends to listen to, and connect with friends which I thought was extremely important considering I moved to California and most of my friends were in Cincinnati. I built a great friend base that spanned over three years. Then I discovered Facebook. Everything changed after that. Some good, some not so good.
I didn’t really get Facebook. The format seemed plain and boring. No eye candy like Myspace. The features were pretty limited but the more I used it, the more comfortable I was with the layout. I immediately started connecting with friends I haven’t heard from in years, even old girlfriends from high school. Every year, access to locating people I haven’t seen nor spoken to in decades became easier because everyone started signing up for the service.
My personal feeling about what changed for me and probably for many “users” was when news, politics, and advocate groups started to infiltrate daily news feeds. Much of which you couldn’t control because the algorithms chose what you saw from simple clicks on an article, even the most innocuous, would change how you saw videos, ads, and any news that was delivered to you.
You became the product, not what Facebook was advertising to you. I started to feel manipulated. How and what I saw would shift dramatically, especially during election cycles which I was on Facebook for three Presidential elections. It became extremely polarizing with friends who had already set up political camps and the feeling of tribalism started to emerge. Facebook started to become more annoying and antagonizing versus helpful, engaging, and fun. I believe fun was the original intent, but as with all things in life, greed has a way of destroying altruistic intentions and I started to get cranky, cynical, and depressed.
Facebook has proven that creating chaos, drama, bitter infighting, and anti-social behavior was good for business. The whole goal was to monetize your engagement. To create that dopamine rush that kept you hooked. To have you spend as much time on their platform no matter how unwell you became. You are being manipulated and aren’t even aware that you are now hooked. They shouldn’t have renamed Facebook Meta. They should have renamed it Heroin.
My engagement with accounts with polar opposite socio-political ideologies landed me in Facebook jail frequently. Over a 16 year period, I was in jail for more than 300 days. A third of this time, I absolutely deserved the time-outs. I was rude, dismissive, and angry. I could have articulated my points much more effectively but I ended up stooping to the level of their ad hominem attacks with my own. It was dumb. I learned my lesson. I can safely say though, two-thirds of the time I was given 30-day sentences, it was for absurd reasons flagged by a broken algorithm system. Commenting on innocent posts from friends of mine would immediately be flagged for bullying, harassment, or spam. I ended up having to create an alternate account just to stay in contact with friends on messenger. I missed peoples birthdays, people missed mine because I couldn’t respond and there is no way to appeal decisions. Even their appeals board would not entertain my claims.
After the last couple of times of being targeted, I realized my time was about up for this platform. Even with the 275+ friends on my list, the vast majority of those accounts fell dormant. There were only a handful of maybe 15 friends or previous co-workers using the platform. The rest just stopped posting. The platform felt stale, boring, and useless. It reeked of data mining, endless spam ads and extremist groups littered that platform with unfettered access to their users. I was stunned at what Facebook would allow and what they wouldn’t. It was all about just making money. Then the algorithms started to target my alternate account and I was officially done with Facebook.
I had proclaimed a couple of times before that I was done with Facebook, I deactivated my account and took a break to see how this affected me both mentally and physically. My initial attempt literally lasted 24 hours. I shit you not. It was as if I was going through withdrawal. I started to feel panic, disconnected, and frightened that I would lose contact with many people that I was either friends with or worked with in 15 cities. It was an awful feeling. This time it’s literally fuck it. I am not giving that platform anymore of me. They are not going to continue to monetize me and they can find another battery for their Meta-trix.
I know what you are saying. “Kevin, you have an Instagram account which is owned by Facebook.” I find Instagram to be a good way to stay connected to family and friends that is void of politics, unhealthy advocate groups, and manipulation. I simply post pics, do not watch the REELS, and stay the hell away from anything controversial or antagonizing. I visit the site on average 5 minutes a day to keep in contact with people close to me. I do not, nor will not join MSN pages, any groups that are not related to the humanities. I was on Facebook hours a day. It became an extension of me. That’s really fucked up.
When I finally put the data download and deletion request for Facebook, I searched the net for a Facebook alternative. Two sites came up. One was Ello. Odd seeing this, since I actually joined Ello 7 years ago. Nothing much has changed including the number of folks using the site. It’s mostly artists which I guess is a great networking site to help give exposure to their projects. The other site I joined was MeWe. The site purports a philosophy of free speech protection and seems to be obsessed with the claim of being the only real alternative to Facebook. After about 3 days, what I realized was that what they were not short on were extreme far-right bigots, xenophobes, racists, and misogynists. It was a real bummer because even the most innocent groups I joined that included food and wine, were replete with very cruel and unkind people, hell-bent on starting flame wars with no apparent goal but other than that. I deleted my account less than a week after joining.
SOAPBOX TIME
I’m not sure how long I will keep Instagram. So far, I’ve had success keeping within my own parameters I’ve set up for myself which is to just stay light, keep it fun, and do not go down the rabbit hole many have already done. After participating in this social media experiment, I truly feel it has changed people and not for the better of mankind. I feel social media has a created cruel, cynical, and intolerant society. It has made it easier for people to attack others with impunity, hidden behind anonymous accounts, never to truly be accountable for their behaviors. Facebook is a prime example of “too big to fail.”
You cannot have 3 BILLION users and think you have the ability to moderate this platform. It feels as if you are on a rudderless ship currently. Changing your name doesn’t change what you did or remotely repair the damage you’ve done to society. And you cannot self-govern. Building better AI to fix your problems simply causes more problems. Two people should be able to connect with each other without a 3rd party in the background manipulating what you see or hear simply to make money. There are only two paths to redemption for Facebook. Either change your business model or just shut the damn thing down. There are reasons why places like Netflix are successful and gain new accounts. You are PAYING for the service. Since Facebook is free, you really don’t have a say in how their platform is run. When you have a mass exodus from paid sites, this sends a financial message to the company. Either change or go bankrupt.
I don’t think Mark Zuckerberg will ever have an epiphany that what he’s doing is not only a detriment to society but it’s actually helping the destruction of our planet. Proceed to scream hyperbole but if you haven’t been paying attention for the last 5 years, Facebook played an integral part in our past elections. The allowance for terabytes of misinformation to propagate like a virus, not only played a key role in the outcome of the elections, it eroded the very fabric of Democracy.
My newest Hero Jaron Lanier stated so eloquently on The Social Dilemma Documentary is that if social media platforms like Facebook are not eventually held accountable and either regulated or shut down, Democracies will be replaced by autocratic dictatorships, global economies will collapse, the addressing of climate change will be forever lost and mankind as we know it will end. I do not believe in conspiracy theories. The earth is not flat, we actually landed on the moon and our government did not cause 9/11.
Unless you have lived under a rock, it’s been painfully obvious how platforms like Facebook have shifted our world on how we treat each other on a daily basis. One-THIRD of the planet uses Facebook. Lanier is absolutely 100% correct to say our survival is at stake if we stay on the trajectory we are currently on. I haven’t logged on to Facebook in three weeks. November 27th, my account of 16 years will vanish. I’m OK with that. I actually think the precise moment I decided that it was time to dump that platform was seeing that jackass Zuckerberg riding a ridiculous hover-surfboard holding an American flag. Could you be more obtuse and self-absorbed?
I’ve migrated most of my communications to text messages and innocent Instagram posts now. I have no regrets about my decision. There is a feeling of elation and a lightness. I don’t think about it, except while writing this blog post. I am also not trying to convince anyone to replicate my decision. If it works for you, brilliant. For me, it didn’t. Jaron Lanier says to delete your Facebook account. DONE!
Tales From an Urban Chef 