Tales From an Urban Chef

For at least now it has. What was expected to be only a few days back home turned into five weeks. Sometimes wonderful, much of the time it was excruciatingly painful.

What was originally planned as a pilgrimage to honor a friends passing quickly morphed into a parents hospice vigil. What was supposed to be a connection to my mom, evolved into becoming an advocate for her safety with evidence of neglect, incompetence and elder abuse.

With the amazing help of Hospice, I was able to make necessary steps in protecting my mom while she transitioned to death. It was an awful task, many would consider thankless, but I had to ensure her safety with reports of multiple falls, lack of basic requirements like food, water and medicine. Hospice helped fill on the gaps. They helped me see this process through with my mom with grace and empathy. I thank them for this.

I spent many days alone on this journey. I told my wife that I was extremely anxious about being able to step up as a son and perform the duties needed to care for my mother. She reassured me that when the time came, I’d rise to the occasion and I did. It was very difficult in the beginning because no one wants to see their mom suffer. I knew her prognosis and it was killing me to witness her decline but I pushed all of that deep down inside me and focused on the tasks at hand. It all became second nature to me.

Now those feelings are starting to come out and it hurts. Very bad right now.  Whenever I left her room, I’d go to the car to release the pain I was feeling and started driving. A lot. I’d spend hours driving around Cincinnati. To old haunts, witnessing the changes that were taking place. Some I considered good, some not so good. Eminent domain dismantling the Clifton area I enjoyed for years so UC could command more presence in the community. It wasn’t a pleasant sight.

I needed places to unwind. Have a drink, sometimes too many drinks. I didn’t have my wife with me to help keep me balanced and found myself going off the rails, not eating well, downing anything put in front of me. I was a fucking mess. I fortunately made it out alive and didn’t kill anyone, or myself thank God.

I did run into some wonderful and caring folks at multiple places I frequented to blow off steam. The first place I ventured into was The City View Tavern in Mt.Adams. lauded as one of the oldest bars in Cincinnati, it probably has the best view of any place I’ve been to.  It’s a no billshit bar. No martinis, no margaritas, it’s a beer and shot joint that has great burgers and a decent tap list. Cassidy was the bartender who I got to know and she became familiar with my mom’s situation, like most places eventually did and was extremely gracious with me every time I came in.

During my drives, I’d also try to do things that didn’t require pounding drinks and absolutely loved Eden Park. It helped me reflect on great times I had as a kid in Cincinnati.  This included the Krohn Conservatory.

One of my favorite spots is the Northside Yacht Club. A cool hip eatery off of Spring Grove ave that has excellent pub food and a great beer list.

I ended up in Camp Washington.  This was my first neighborhood I moved to when I decided to live on my own at nineteen.  It’s a great concrete jungle where our backyards wall was the old Cincinnati workhouse.  This also required an obligatory trip to Camp Washington Chili.

Another must visit was our old home as a toddler on Walker St. in Mt. Auburn. I had many fond memories as a little kid living there.

One Tavern I frequented was The Oak Tavern in Oakley. Everyone there knew my situation and I have to say, they were some of the nicest people I’ve ever met.  This was pure Cincinnati love. Their food rocked as well.

Chili, it’s what’s for dinner! Including Skyline in Clifton. Nothing beats a hangover more than a five way and cheese coneys.

My friend Scot treated me to a few beers at Madtree in Oakley for my birthday. For a huge place, it ran like a well oiled machine and the beers were excellent.

My wife insisted on a return to Korean Riverside in Covington.  I reluctantly agreed and Holy Jeebus, I forgot how wonderful that place is!!

Another amazing place my friend Scot mentioned was Bridges Nepalese cuisine in Northside.  I’ve never tried this type of food before and it’s similar to a cross between Indian and Chinese food. It blew our minds.

I spent many nights at The Comet. I had to. It was a Northside institution, Dave was my friend and I loved that place. I got to see many old friends during my visit.

One of the last places we lived at was Covington Ky. I love that town. Our street had all historical homes on it including the house we rented. We’d love to live there again. Beautiful. 

My family was amazingly supportive of my efforts. My Aunt Sue and Uncle Neal made my stay comfortable and I felt secure. Her dogs were wonderful. Willy, Archie and the great Mango. Neals dog Luna is amazing too.  Oh, Sue is a great cook as well. Her mac-n-cheese is killer.

It’s all starting to come to the reality my mom is gone. My work has been done and there is now a huge void where my mom once was. I feel like an orphan. My brother has basically abandoned his family as well as his friends so it hurts even more how isolated I feel. If it weren’t for family and friends and their undying support and love, I’m not sure if would have made it through this. I miss my mom dearly. I think she’s looking over me though. When I turned on Pandora this morning, this was the first song on my list. I didn’t choose it. It chose me.