Tales From an Urban Chef

In the fifteen years of contributing to this blog, I rarely talk about my personal life. I have a post here and there, but I try to stay true to why I created this site to begin with. To celebrate the restaurant industry and everyone that contribute to one of the most important industries on the planet.

Even during the Great Depression, people still dined in restaurants, cafes, taverns, and pubs. Being together and sharing a meal gave one a sense of community and hope in dire times, and what a better prescription but a well crafted meal.

This same industry is how I met my wife, Judy. We both worked at a “Euro Bistro” in San Francisco called Palomino. I came to San Francisco in 1993. My twenty-eight years in Cincinnati had come to an end. Shitty jobs, shitty relationships, and I was ready to make the leap out west. I had family in the Bay Area, so I sold everything I owned and with a duffle bag and six hundred dollars to my name, I drove someone’s car and delivered it to Palo Alto and my journey in San Francisco began.

I really had high hopes of turning the whole “failed relationship” yolk I was hauling around. Man, was I in for a surprise. The first two and half years of attempting to date anyone resembled the Sahara desert. I had no idea what I was doing. Sitting in pubs trying to start up conversations was an abysmal failure. I almost lost hope when I first noticed my future wife walk past the kitchen on her first day at work.

I played it cool because I didn’t really know her that well. At this time, I was hyper focused on my career to become a chef, so I didn’t really talk to her. About a week in seeing her action, I couldn’t stand the woman. Loud and Philly bred, who was already a favorite of the General Manager, and I was already turned off. But then I heard her infectious laugh, and that was it. I must know more about this woman.

I played it cool. Didn’t seek her out, but let my sense of humor slowly chip away. This lasted two god damn years. Yeah, I know, I’m a hopeless idiot.

I lived a block from her in Oakland. We both had really cool apartments. I used to walk behind her as she escorted her dates to her place. No, not in a stalking sense. We both took the same bus home.

We started to hit it off more. She loved head rubs and always sought me out. I was always happy to oblige. It usually got me in hot water because I guess you shouldn’t attempt this at the front desk of your restaurant. I didn’t mind. I was ready to risk it all.

I had a few miserable dates with coworkers that resulted in nothing. I knew Judy was the one. We both had the same exact sense of humor, we both liked the same music, and I felt it if I just went slowly and kept my cool, she’d feel the same way.

One night, the gang ended up at our local watering hole called Smitty’s. It was a glorious shit hole frequented by industry folks.  Beer, smoking, occasional coke, and a pool table. An industry Nirvana.

I put my head in her lap and she pulled me up and viola! Our first kiss. Two drunken fools finally finding each other.  I am not one to rush relationships.  We moved in two weeks later. 

This was 1997. We bought our first car together. A 1968 VW bug. We replaced a dented fender and she inscribed on it,”Kevin’s empowerment, Jude’s freedom.” No truer words have ever been written. We had that wonderful car for ten years before it unfortunately caught fire.

We’ve been through hell and back together. We’ve moved across the country three times and lived in about seven different cities. She’s stuck with me through jobs both good and bad, my cancer, strained relationships with family members. Not once has her love for me wavered. She’s been my rock. I don’t know what I’d do without her.

I need to definitely work on being a better me. A better husband and a better friend. I owe her that much. She has stood by me at my lowest points in life and has always made me see the bright side of things. She always told me to think of five things I should feel blessed about. It always works.

I just hope the next twenty-five years are as amazing as the last. Our anniversary is August 28th. Her name is Judy and I love her.